It would be lazy and unoriginal to state that Fulham’s win over Preston on Tuesday guaranteed their relegation from next season’s Premier League,

so needless to say that is exactly what The Fiver will do. When push comes to shove,

if they can’t be bothered doing anything more interesting than yo-yoing down from the top flight to the Championship

and back up again season after season after season after season after season after season,

we’re darned if we can be bothered to come up with any new, increasingly condescending gags

about the almost psychotic lengths they and Norwich City will go to in order to avoid ever having to play each other again.

“WE ARE PREMIER LEAGUE!” chanted Fulham’s ecstatic players and fans at Craven Cottage,

a refrain they previously sung in 2018 and 2020, only to sink like Boris Johnson’s approval rating upon reaching the promised land.

This time around, however, things could be different because – Fiver pulls sarcasm lever

it’s not as if their current crop of players such as Tom Cairney, Tim Ream,

Fulham and the EPL